Kids These Days : Chapters 1-3

Today is a divisional professional development day in MVSD. Although that looks different this year (no large gathering with all schools) the dedication to learning has not changed. This year we are focusing on the work of Dr. Jody Carrington through a guiding book study of, “Kids These Days“. We are starting today with Chapters 1-3 and will be progressing through the remaining 5 chapters through the school year.

The following are my takeaways, reflections, and notes to guide my learning.

(Re)connecting Back to the Beginning – Why You Chose This Holy Work of Educating Our Future Generations

Main Takeaways

• it is one thing to regulate when you are happy, it is another to regulate during heavy emotions
• not all connections are made equal (face-to-face vs. digital)
• the more you can help regulate children when they are with you, the less they will require somebody to do that for them when we’re not around
• you can’t tell someone to calm down, you show them
• far physical proximity is tied to your level of disconnect

Reflection Questions

• What is your critical purpose on this planet? Why are you here?
  • I am here to make a positive impact on others… to strengthen the capacity of educators and leave them better prepared to develop educational experiences for their students which will expand their opportunities
  • A holistic approach to education
• What does emotional regulation mean, and how does it matter in the context of education?
  • emotional regulation is the skill set required to “not lose your mind” when experiencing heavy emotion
  • your ability to self regulate is tied to your personal relationships and your experience witnessing these learned skills
  • children can learn to regulate their emotions through strategies that are practiced by an individual they have a positive relationship with
• Think about the educator, coach, or mentor who had the biggest influence on you. Share what you remember most about the person who inspired you most. In the way you show up today, would you make them proud?
  • I’ve blogged about this topic before; you can read my reflection HERE.

Taming the Crazy by Getting Crazy – How Emotional Regulation Works & Why It’s The Key to Changing the World

Main Takeaways

• deconstructing behaviours only works on those without a prefrontal cortex
• “power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of punishment” – Mahatma Gandhi
• sometimes we are the least kind to those that are the most important to us
• you are enough: no fancy experiences, bells and whistles, just you
• our job in regulating others is to always be bigger, stronger, kinder, wiser; follow a need and take charge when needed
• quiet does not equal calm
• Lid Flip
  • neurobiological explanation of emotional regulation
  • limbic system is wrapped within the prefrontal cortex (your lid)
  • when the “lid” is on you have access to all the information you need but when you “flip your lid” you only have access to fight, flight, or freeze
  • the first thing educators/parents need to do is to “put the lid back on”
  • they have no access to understanding consequences without their prefrontal cortex
• Light Up
  • Think the airport reunion, the welcome home, the good-news response
  • you light up easier around emotionally regulated people

Reflection Questions

• Is there room for behavioural approaches when parenting or teaching our children? What might that look like in your classrooms or in your parenting relationships?
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• Share what your “light-up” looks like. Who do you find it the easiest to light up around? Who, right now, in your world, might just need a little more of your light-up?
  • my light-up starts with a big breathe in, a loud “hiiiiiiiii”, with arms open and a big hug (pre-Covid). I most easily light up around my children, husband, friends, and family
  • my coworkers could use more light up from myself as we are often together to discuss a problem/concern and more positivity would be better for everyone who is involved
• Talk about your understanding of Siegel’s “lid flip”. How does your understanding of the lid flip help you in the context of your classroom?
  • a lid flip is your response to a situation in which your brain is unable to access your prefrontal cortext; resulting in your limbic system taking charge
  • without access to the prefrontal cortex, nothing I am going to say can be interpreted. there is nothing more important than getting the “lid back on” first

Kids These Days – How I See Them

Main Takeaways

• your best behaved kids and your worst behaved kids have the exact same needs; just the best behaved kids had their needs met before they got to school
• there is no on-size-fits-all
  • depends on a students’ developmental stage and where they are at with their regulation
  • kids act different to get their needs met depending on the adult they are around
• “mad is sad’s body guard”
• responses don’t make things better, connections make things better

Reflection Questions

• What happens when you think about these kids as “connection seeking” rather than “attention seeking”? How do you think kids these days will seek connection in different ways where there is less face-to-face connection time with adults?
  • This makes me realize that this is a much larger picture where we have to look at the regulation-ability of the family as a whole.
• Are there certain behavioural presentations from kids that you respond to better than others? Often our own stories influence how we respond to those around us.
  • I feel that I respond better to children who shut down as opposed to high energy children as I sometimes have challenges with their high energy disregulating myself
• The ability to repair a relationship is not something kids are born with – they have to be apologize to in order to have the script to be able to apologize to others. Where are the most opportunities in the run of your day to build in apologies?
  • I feel like there are numerous opportunities to apologize through the day; especially in a classroom where there is so many moving pieces. I felt that I apologized frequently if something was not working as expected, if my responses were unexpected (especially teaching during two pregnancies where I was not able to self-regulate in the same way I normally would)

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This way of thinking reminded me of a previous PD I participated in in 2014 with Charlie Appelstein, No Such Thing As A Bad Kid.